Friction and Harmony

Our dear friend LemonStand called our house a few nights ago to talk to Mrs. Who.  Naturally, they spoke of Christmas plans and such, during which I’m sure my dear wife bemoaned my profound lack of Holiday Cheer­®. At some point, Mrs. Who handed me the phone, and LS proceeded to tell me to “pull up my big girl panties” and start some new Christmas traditions of my own, and leave the past behind.  Fair enough.  I’ll get to that in a few.  But first, here’s a Christmas Meme, similar to LemonStand’s, but received from my aunt via email several days before.  For obvious reasons, I didn’t deliver this to my cheery aunt, but here is my honest response:

Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your friends. Okay, here’s what you’re supposed to do, and try not to be a SCROOGE!!!  Just copy (not forward) this entire email and paste into a new e-mail that you can send. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person that sent it to you…’Tis the Season to be NICE!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Shipping box from Amazon.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Settle for a picture of a tree on Google Images?

3. When do you put up the tree? When I must.  We still don’t have one this year, and probably wont.

4. When do you take the tree down? Before sundown Christmas day too soon?

5. Do you like eggnog? Love it – used to drink it mixed with 7-up as a kid – yellow foamy gak.  Now it’s Southern Comfort or Myers Rum.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Ruger 10/22 rifle, though I actually got it for my birthday on December 1st.  Got a scope for it for Christmas.  Never used it – I preferred shooting open sight.

7. Hardest person to buy for? Anyone – I totally suck at buying gifts for people.  Amazon wishlist is my yuletide friend.

8. Easiest person to buy for? Myself!  No, not really.  I usually suffer “buyers remorse”and it takes me forever to decide on something.  Don’t believe me?  Ask Mrs. Who why she won’t go shoe (boot) shopping with me.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? I have a Beartivity.  Probably sacrilegious, but I like to think Jesus wouldn’t mind being part of my bear family.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Neither.  However, I hate paper mail far, far more than I do spam.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Gee, I’d have to say the ones that were thrown at each other (there were a few of those) pretty much sucked, whatever they were.  But the first/worst I remember was when Santa walked into my bedroom and handed me a water-soaked, slobbery, chewed-up Spirograph set and a crushed candy cane…  I was maybe four or five years old, and I’m pretty sure I remember thinking ‘WTF!!  Who is this creepy fraud?!”  The destroyed gift had been left on the milkbox for “Santa” to collect before entering the house.  The dogs had gotten loose and dragged the toy into the yard, where along with dismembering a stuffed animal, they gnawed on to see if it contained any Christmas ham.  I waited a few minutes until I heard voices coming from the living room, then crept down the hallway to see my uncle Lynn (who looked a lot like Marty Feldman) wearing a santa suit, sitting on the couch drinking an eggnog.  I remember going to the front door and looking outside to see wrapping paper and stuffing strewn everywhere, and the gutted carcass of a stuffed animal staring at me from the porch with one dead glass eye.  That’s pretty much the indelible image of the first Christmas I can remember.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? The Terminator.  Bah – I don’t know, I hate that sappy crap.  I think I have yet to be able to sit through the entirety of either “Christmas on 42nd Street” or “It’s a Wonderful Life” without falling asleep.  Those old stop-motion Christmas television specials with animated dolls were creepy as hell, and I remember thinking even as a kid that Frosty the Snowman was inane.  Charlie Brown was probably the best of the bunch, even though as I kid I recognized that Peppermint Patty was butch and lucy was a conniving chunt.  (Schroeder was cool – he kept to himself and his music and didn’t fuck with people.  I can respect that.)  I had a friend that used to do the Peanuts dance – that cracked me up.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? What time is it?

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? HELL YES!

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? MamaBear’s Christmas ham, ham gravy & mashed potatoes with yeast rolls.  I’m really, really missing her.

16. Lights on the tree? I guess, since it stops being a Christmas tree when you cut off the lights.

17. Favorite Christmas song? “I Wonder as I Wander” – sung in a rich, echoing baritone a cappella by Father Z at Midnight Mass.  But every year, it’s all that incense that makes my eyes water…  I swear.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home.  There’s drunk idiots on the street!  (recalling vividly how we feared for our lives as we drove home from the annual Christmas dinner with my drunk father behind the wheel – on ice-covered roads, no less.)

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer’s? Unfortunately, yes.  Want me to prove it?  Tough.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel.  Or Star.  Depends on the tree.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Morning, I guess.  How many more of these?

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Obligation to spend, spend, spend, and the implied notion that one’s love is measured by dollar value, quantity, or uniqueness of gifts given.  It’s one of the biggest reasons I hate Christmas.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? One tree and one Christmas was special.  It was a “newborn” tree, a dedication to both the Christ child and His Blessed Mother, (in whose hands MamaBear placed me when she gave me up for adoption).  Pastel ornaments and white lights with a star.  It was my first Christmas with my birthmom.  We didn’t exchange gifts because we were both mid-divorce and broke as hell.   We just celebrated a new life.

25. What do you want to do for Christmas this year? Hadn’t thought about it.  Don’t really want anything, really.

26. Who is most likely to respond? Whomever hasn’t been pushed over the edge of holiday depression by my list?

Yeah, I know – I carry more baggage than American Airlines.  And yes, I do realize I need to let it go…

As for the new Christmas tradition LemonStand challenged me to start?  Well, I do recall the Advent Calendar activities from parochial grade school, and was inspired by a brilliant Scottish example I recently saw.   And while I’m a little late getting started, I think I may be able to catch up – I have no doubt that should put me in the Christmas Spirit!: More »

Netflix has been an integral part of the HoZ entertainment machine for over five years now.  Since we don’t subscribe to the crappy local cable provider (almost as friendly a service provider as our local rural phone company – don’t get me started!) or to any of the satellite services, we enjoy watching movies, documentaries and television programs on our terms – sans commercials or uninvited smut. 

Of course, with over five years of DVDs that have been watched, returned and rated, the sophisticated Netflix suggestion service touts over 480 recommendations that are custom-tailored to our viewing preferences.  Along with each recommendation is a brief example of why such-and-such program is being suggested.  One of the more bizarre connections I’ve seen?  Have a look:

So is “Papa Ratzi” a NASCAR fan?  Is there a Popemobile Pace Car in the Vatican Garage?  Will “Smiting” on the track be the next penalty controversy?

The Superbowl I-X documentary made the cut for the same “Inside the Vatican” reference, but being from Alabama, that doesn’t raise any eyebrows ’round here.  In the South, Football is almost a religion, and all Alabama fans know “Bear” only left to coach for God.

Rachel at Pereiraville has some questions about the Catholic faith after her recent experience of a Memorial Mass – and tagged Mrs. Who and me to possibly explain some things as “devout Catholics.” I’m flattered – and not so sure I’m deserving of the label “devout Catholic” – but I’ll try my best.

Mrs. Who addressed part of her questions in the Pereiraville comments. However, as usual, my comment grew to mammoth-size, so I felt it would be better to move it to my own blog entry. (Though I’m not at all sure about placing a post discussing the Catholic Faith on a blog titled “Friction and Harmony” – let alone amongst all my cussing and ranting. Did I mention the “devout” thing might be undeserved? Stand back, folks… For my irreverent post title alone, I’m probably a walking lightning rod!)

Anywho, on to business… But first, one caveat: Just remember – I’m not an authority on the Catholic faith – but sometimes that’s a good thing. MY word is not Gospel! I’m not sitting at my keyboard with the Catechism at my elbow – and I’ll readily admit that my understandings may be inaccurate! If you know and see an inaccuracy, please feel free to correct me.*

*(However, if you just want to flame me because you hate the Catholic Church and what it teaches – sorry, I can’t help you. You and I will likely never agree nor be converted, so please reserve your vitriol and generalizations about Catholic clergy for your own MySpace page.)

For those who would rather bypass the faith-discussion, or who have never been to a Catholic Mass (Mrs. Who tells me I got “too technical” – that “people won’t be able to visualize what’s happening” – *sigh*), I’ve dropped the rest below the fold…

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