Friction and Harmony

*** UPDATE 12/21 *** :  See comments.

First of all, I love you Sweetheart, and I am so, so, so sorry.

Wow.  Two and a half years.  That’s some well documented misery.

For days, I’ve been stuck with the stifling, chest-ripping sensation that this is the end for us.  After reading your “Lurker” posts, I now realize that it’s true.  Even if I thought I knew how I could fix this, I don’t feel I have the right to even try.  It’s clear I owe you your freedom.

I’m so sad.  And I am so very lonely.  I wish there was a damn soul I could talk to, but I’m lost.

And I know I have nobody at all to blame but myself.

So here I sit at “The Shrine”, just as you predicted over a year ago.  And you and the kids are relieved I’m gone.  Y’all can finally get on with your lives and breathe easy for the first time in years…  The chandelier has fallen and there’s nothing left for us – our injuries are too great to survive.

Ironically, I found your “Lurker” invitation in my spam filter after I had finished ordering something for your tree…  A trifling “peace offering” that I had hoped might be something to break this icy chill.  Maybe it will get there by Christmas.

Fuck My Life, indeed.

Our dear friend LemonStand called our house a few nights ago to talk to Mrs. Who.  Naturally, they spoke of Christmas plans and such, during which I’m sure my dear wife bemoaned my profound lack of Holiday Cheer­®. At some point, Mrs. Who handed me the phone, and LS proceeded to tell me to “pull up my big girl panties” and start some new Christmas traditions of my own, and leave the past behind.  Fair enough.  I’ll get to that in a few.  But first, here’s a Christmas Meme, similar to LemonStand’s, but received from my aunt via email several days before.  For obvious reasons, I didn’t deliver this to my cheery aunt, but here is my honest response:

Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your friends. Okay, here’s what you’re supposed to do, and try not to be a SCROOGE!!!  Just copy (not forward) this entire email and paste into a new e-mail that you can send. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know, INCLUDING the person that sent it to you…’Tis the Season to be NICE!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Shipping box from Amazon.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Settle for a picture of a tree on Google Images?

3. When do you put up the tree? When I must.  We still don’t have one this year, and probably wont.

4. When do you take the tree down? Before sundown Christmas day too soon?

5. Do you like eggnog? Love it – used to drink it mixed with 7-up as a kid – yellow foamy gak.  Now it’s Southern Comfort or Myers Rum.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Ruger 10/22 rifle, though I actually got it for my birthday on December 1st.  Got a scope for it for Christmas.  Never used it – I preferred shooting open sight.

7. Hardest person to buy for? Anyone – I totally suck at buying gifts for people.  Amazon wishlist is my yuletide friend.

8. Easiest person to buy for? Myself!  No, not really.  I usually suffer “buyers remorse”and it takes me forever to decide on something.  Don’t believe me?  Ask Mrs. Who why she won’t go shoe (boot) shopping with me.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? I have a Beartivity.  Probably sacrilegious, but I like to think Jesus wouldn’t mind being part of my bear family.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Neither.  However, I hate paper mail far, far more than I do spam.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Gee, I’d have to say the ones that were thrown at each other (there were a few of those) pretty much sucked, whatever they were.  But the first/worst I remember was when Santa walked into my bedroom and handed me a water-soaked, slobbery, chewed-up Spirograph set and a crushed candy cane…  I was maybe four or five years old, and I’m pretty sure I remember thinking ‘WTF!!  Who is this creepy fraud?!”  The destroyed gift had been left on the milkbox for “Santa” to collect before entering the house.  The dogs had gotten loose and dragged the toy into the yard, where along with dismembering a stuffed animal, they gnawed on to see if it contained any Christmas ham.  I waited a few minutes until I heard voices coming from the living room, then crept down the hallway to see my uncle Lynn (who looked a lot like Marty Feldman) wearing a santa suit, sitting on the couch drinking an eggnog.  I remember going to the front door and looking outside to see wrapping paper and stuffing strewn everywhere, and the gutted carcass of a stuffed animal staring at me from the porch with one dead glass eye.  That’s pretty much the indelible image of the first Christmas I can remember.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? The Terminator.  Bah – I don’t know, I hate that sappy crap.  I think I have yet to be able to sit through the entirety of either “Christmas on 42nd Street” or “It’s a Wonderful Life” without falling asleep.  Those old stop-motion Christmas television specials with animated dolls were creepy as hell, and I remember thinking even as a kid that Frosty the Snowman was inane.  Charlie Brown was probably the best of the bunch, even though as I kid I recognized that Peppermint Patty was butch and lucy was a conniving chunt.  (Schroeder was cool – he kept to himself and his music and didn’t fuck with people.  I can respect that.)  I had a friend that used to do the Peanuts dance – that cracked me up.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? What time is it?

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? HELL YES!

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? MamaBear’s Christmas ham, ham gravy & mashed potatoes with yeast rolls.  I’m really, really missing her.

16. Lights on the tree? I guess, since it stops being a Christmas tree when you cut off the lights.

17. Favorite Christmas song? “I Wonder as I Wander” – sung in a rich, echoing baritone a cappella by Father Z at Midnight Mass.  But every year, it’s all that incense that makes my eyes water…  I swear.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home.  There’s drunk idiots on the street!  (recalling vividly how we feared for our lives as we drove home from the annual Christmas dinner with my drunk father behind the wheel – on ice-covered roads, no less.)

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer’s? Unfortunately, yes.  Want me to prove it?  Tough.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel.  Or Star.  Depends on the tree.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Morning, I guess.  How many more of these?

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Obligation to spend, spend, spend, and the implied notion that one’s love is measured by dollar value, quantity, or uniqueness of gifts given.  It’s one of the biggest reasons I hate Christmas.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? One tree and one Christmas was special.  It was a “newborn” tree, a dedication to both the Christ child and His Blessed Mother, (in whose hands MamaBear placed me when she gave me up for adoption).  Pastel ornaments and white lights with a star.  It was my first Christmas with my birthmom.  We didn’t exchange gifts because we were both mid-divorce and broke as hell.   We just celebrated a new life.

25. What do you want to do for Christmas this year? Hadn’t thought about it.  Don’t really want anything, really.

26. Who is most likely to respond? Whomever hasn’t been pushed over the edge of holiday depression by my list?

Yeah, I know – I carry more baggage than American Airlines.  And yes, I do realize I need to let it go…

As for the new Christmas tradition LemonStand challenged me to start?  Well, I do recall the Advent Calendar activities from parochial grade school, and was inspired by a brilliant Scottish example I recently saw.   And while I’m a little late getting started, I think I may be able to catch up – I have no doubt that should put me in the Christmas Spirit!: More »

UPDATE: As I suspected, a near immediate response hit the inbox shortly after 0900 CST.  It seems they are at least partially deserving of a break, since the dealership was purchased a couple years ago by Megalith Automotive.  As to the whether the sales staff is “now held to a higher standard”…  I’ll still opt to let someone else explore that reality.  I still don’t trust ‘em near half as far as I can spit.  

More »

Mrs. Who and I celebrated Halloween in a special way today…

We went to the Gun Show. 

She’s a 12 GA. FN Herstal Tactical Police shotgun.  Perfect for dispatching REAL goblins.

But I do need to clarify some things…

Fact:  Mrs. Who knew about the gun show before I did – over a week ago.  She drives much further to and from work than I do and had noticed the roadside signs advertising the event.

Fact:  It was Mrs. Who’s idea to go.  She brought it up.  She suggested it would be a good way to spend the day.  She even invited some teacher friends to come from Florida – the same friends that spent the day shooting with her.

Fact:  She had reminded me about it again on Friday evening,  “Don’t forget, we have the gun show tomorrow!”

Fact:  She recalled that I had been tempted at a previous show by this particular gun, and mused aloud, “I wonder if they will have that police shotgun you liked last time…”

Fact:  It was Mrs. Who who paid our admission to the gun show.  When we were getting in the car, I noted that I had NO cash in my wallet and we’d have to run by my bank’s ATM (about six miles in the wrong direction).  She piped up, “No we don’t!  I already got cash to get us in.”

Fact:  Mrs. Who stood by my side as I was looking at this beauty and said, “SO!  Are we going to get her?”  She had a grin on her face.

Fact:  When I was checking out, they told me that there was a 3% transaction fee to use plastic.  Mrs. Who immediately volunteered to run to her own bank on the corner a few blocks away to draw cash while I filled out the BATFE paperwork.  Therefore, the bulk of the immediate cash for this purchase was “borrowed” from her account.  I guess I’ll have to make it up to her later. 

Fact:  As we were walking to the car with our new home defense purchase, Mrs. Who told me, “Her name is Charlotte.”  (we name ALL our guns.  And our vehicles.  And major appliances.  And other things…)  I quipped, “I guess that means she’s yours.”  She just smiled.

FACT:  As we were pulling out of the lot with our new purchases and I exclaimed, “Gawd, I soooo didn’t prepare to drop a grand at a gun show today!” (I also bought over $225 in reloading supplies and even found some reasonably priced .380 ammo.)  Mrs. Who looked at me with raised eyebrows and said, “Hey, don’t look at me – YOU’RE the one that wanted that shotgun!”

FACT: I almost locked the wheels up and drove us off the road, “WHAT???  You’re not putting this all on ME!  Who was standing at my side at that table with a big grin and puppy dog eyes?!”  She just giggled.  We drove on.

CONCLUSION:  I adore my gun lovin’, Southern sweetheart of a wife!!

(But I think I lost me a shotgun…)

Mrs. Who and I took Buck to supper for his birthday this evening.  (Happy Birthday, Buck!)  We gave him his choice of the area’s available cuisines.  I was hoping for steak.  Buck chose Chinese buffet.  *sigh*

As we were dining, Mrs. Who suddenly jerked forward, her eyes wide as she hissed a surpised, “WHAT did that child just say??”

Puzzled, I blinked and thought for a moment.  The only thing I had noticed was a young boy – perhaps eight to ten years old – giving his drink order to a family member over his shoulder as he hustled past our table toward the buffet.  I slowly repeated what I had heard, “I want a sweet tea with lemon. Why?”

Her intensity faded immediately, “Oh…  Nevermind.”

“No, what did you think he said?”  I had to wonder what about the kid’s drink order could have triggered a mild apoplexy.  Mrs. Who was already starting to blush…  “Tell me!” I insisted.

She laughed and then leaned close and covered her mouth so buck couldn’t hear or lip read her response, “I thought he said ‘I want to sleep with two women!’ ”

After a hearty ROFL I quipped, “Sounds like fun, but for the fact I can barely handle the ONE kinky girl I have now!”

She slapped me playfully, “you’re so going to blog this, aren’t you…”

“What, like you wouldn’t?”

Looks like Mrs. Who needs to install a new category:  Troll Bait.

EDIT:  The smackdown is at HoZ – don’t need to drag it here…  But since “Moi’s” proclaimed “Chicagoland” IP address (which local pool actually maps to an Indiana zipcode via Verizon network) showed up here,  I’ll keep my dedication up, but can the rest of the vitriol – it really is overkill…

I guess since Mrs. Who posted about Buck’s mission with the Young Marines at Barrancas National Cemetery, I should also mention that I participated as well.  We are, after all, a patriotic and thankful family!

I rode with the Gulf Coast Patriot Guard – a fine bunch of folks with a lot of great stories.  While I didn’t carry a camera myself, it looks like the local FOX news affiliate was kind enough to do the job for me.  (In fact, you can see me riding at 22-24 seconds in the clip.  I’m the one with the largest head — go figure.)

The Mobile, Alabama ceremony was smaller than the one Mrs. Who and Buck covered in Pensacola, but it definitely had a very personal feel.  All the Patriot Guard Riders (with the exception of yours truly) were retired, former or active military.  At the cemetery, we were joined by three members of the Vietnam Vets MC.  Soon, a Korean War Veterans Color Guard (the gentlemen in the light blue jackets in the video) joined us, and it was amazing to witness these generations of warriors past and present as they shared an intrinsic bond.  To my humble amazement, I was enveloped in their circle as they traded stories and of course, some good-humored rivalrous jabs, steeped in a warmth that was undeniably the Brotherhood of Service to a truly Great Nation.

We have a new mission before us – one that I won’t get to participate in firsthand, but will endeavor to support in whatever way I can.  My adoptive father was a WWII vet, and I would have given just about anything to have been able to send or even to escort him on an Honor Flight.  Our PGR unit has been asked to escort Mobile’s first Honor Flight in May, 2009.  (We’ve also been tasked with helping raise money to cover the costs of transporting elderly vets and their escorts to the WWII Memorial in Washington DC.  If you feel inclined to donate to such an honorable and worthy cause, please do so at gulfcoastpatriotguard – dot – org. or with your local Patriot Guard Riders.)

I listen to Mrs. Who rant and rail against the negative impact of the public education system and “No Child Left Behind” almost daily.

Now, here is a short video produced by a few high school students that illustrates some of what she can’t say on her blog, in her own words… And to think that this is the generation we will be handing the reigns to.

Chilling.

PrincessNO is carrying approximately half a ream of paper around the house, asking us weird questions like, “if I were to write a law, what would it be?”

Evidently, she’s interested in auditioning for Kid Nation.

Seriously. The girl that daily gets up at 4:30 to leave the house by 6:50a, because she has to straighten her hair with one iron before she curls it with another. The very same girl that turns her nose up at just about everything we cook – unless it’s hamburgers or lasagna.

I would pay money to see her roughing it “without, like, even actual makeup and stuff.” Like… Ohmygaaawwd!

But some of the questions are obviously loaded… Like, “Who did your parents vote for in the last Presidential election,” and “do you think that was a good or bad thing? Explain why.”

Mrs. Who and I have been exchanging looks, rolling our eyes and shaking our heads… until Eraserhead walked into the room and started playing Guitar Hero II (which just happens to be one of the most annoyingly noisy video games ever created, not because of the video sound effects or music, but because of all the CLACKITY-CLACKITY-CLACKITY of the controllers.)

Suddenly, PrincessNO erupted, “Eraserhead, PLEASE BE QUIET! I can’t think what I’m passionate about!!”

We both just about fell out of our chairs…